Lessons for 2014... or rather, things I should remind myself for peace of mind

Hello 2014! So with the start of a new year I renewed the list of resolutions, as we do. The usual suspects were rounded up of course. Fitness, clean eating, less procrastination, spending time with my loved ones, handling finances better, and so on and so forth - from the more obscure 'to follow dreams' to the more precise 'drink 1.5 litres of water a day'. One of them was also starting to blog again...on a shiny new blog. And more importantly, sticking with it.

Before I venture out all shiny eyed and hopeful smiles in to this 'year of good things to come' [according to random online horoscope readings], there are a few things I want to tell myself, in no specific order. For future reference. And maybe they might help somebody somewhere out there as well.

1. We always read about how we should cut off negative people from our lives to be happier. That's incredibly selfish. Maybe they're that way for a reason, maybe they need your help. Or just a little time to get their act together. I've whined my friends' ears off and drowned in self pity at times myself - sometimes I just needed someone to give me a good shake and a couple of slaps and say, get it together woman! Maybe dig into some ice cream after that. Reaching out to people is never a bad thing eh? And you might regret not bothering to help them if something bad really does happen. Would you rather live with the guilt? I don't think so.

2. That brings me to point number 2. You can only help people who WANT to be helped. Some are just lost causes. Seriously. Knowing the difference can save you a lot of needless heartache and worry, not to mention time which you could have spent enjoying good things in life - like an interesting book, or even better, a banana cupcake with nutella frosting.

3. Not to connect everything, but that brings me to point number 3. Don't deprive yourself. If you're worried about your waistline and that number on the scale you don't even want to remember, do something about it. Walk, jog, do yoga, dance, jump through hoops, play tennis, swim, run after your kids or up and down the stairs, I don't know. Don't tell me you can't eat a delicious a cupcake even though you'd love to. If you're diabetic, forget everything I said. My mom's perfectly happy with her sugarfree treats, proving you don't need a heap of sugar to let your taste buds swoon in bliss. Point is, whatever it is that does the trick, enjoy it. Without going all crazy. I do have limits mind you.

4. Your relationships are your business alone. No one knows you better than yourself, so trust yourself to make the judgments on who to love, how to love - nobody else can tell you how to love the people you love. Phew that's a whole lot of love there. People love to meddle - especially here in the Maldives. Nod, smile, do your own thing anyway.

5. People slip up. You will too. Go easy on them. In the long run forgiving is lighter on the soul. Having said that, if it happens one time too many, its not to be taken lightly. Know when to forgive, when to say no, when to move on and when to give up.

6. All that about not going to bed angry? Forget it. Sometimes its the best thing you could do. Even if you're sleeping like the bed's split into two different continents. Usually you wake up with a cooler head, and more likely in a mood to say your sorries and whatever it takes for you to make up. Maybe all your crankiness needed was a rest, who knows.

7. That brings me to, you don't always have to be right or prove your point. Somethings you most vehemently hold to be true might not be so true after all. No point in dragging it out or being stubborn about it. Apologize, admit you're wrong, let it go. It doesn't make you a lesser person to say you don't know something either, even if it seems like the most obvious thing and everyone else knows about it (like Emoji...I still have no idea about it although the whole of Twitter is buzzing about it apparently). Insisting on something just cos you're too stubborn to bow down, or refusing to accept that you can be ignorant about something - they're just not worth it. Especially if you're having a tiff with your partner. Throw away the score cards.

8. While you're at it, throw away the chore cards too. Don't get me wrong- I am truly impressed when couples say they split all their chores. I myself can't do it though. And I don't even try. This is why. I can't usually wait for my husband to do the chores in his time. I'd rather do them myself because that is how I get my peace of mind. And that's what matters to me - my peace of mind more than keeping track of who does what around the house. While this might seem like a heavy load, it's actually not. I don't want my husband to do the groceries or accompany me because he, like most men, can't stand spending much time in a shop, let alone four or five shops. I would rather stroll at my own pace, look around, spend the time enjoying the shopping so I prefer to go alone. At home my husband does more to help out when I don't direct him that he needs to do this and that, and I end up appreciating his efforts more. I realized things are much sweeter around the house when we don't have chore schedules to nag and complain about - we do what we can when we can, and that's enough.

9. While on nagging, I'd say pick your fights carefully. One might say, why fight at all? Any marriage needs a fight now and then. Fighting's healthy. Air em out, clear your conscience and all that. Its how you fight that you should worry about. No need to be vindictive, call names, humiliate - once you say it, its out there. You can't take it back. So fight wisely, and choose what you want to fight about. Here's the thing- if you nag about everything, after a while it'll prolly be just background noise. But if you only make a fuss about things that really matter to you (and seriously, socks on the floor or a towel on the bed really can't be that bad), they'd know you mean business and will take it more seriously.

10. Cook together. You might occasionally snap about the excessive pepper but its still one of the best ways to bond. And sometimes, they might end up making better pasta than you.

11. Traveling together is wonderful of course, especially if you're spontaneous on your travels and not fretfully planning out your itinerary to the last minute. However somethings have to be planned. Its not the ideal blissful getaway when you forget your travel documents and essentials, bookings, random things that make life easier like imodium meds for an upset tummy, mosquito repellent for those pesky fiends, sun block...would save you time and hassle if you didn't have to run around hunting for those. Point is, somethings are better left unplanned. But some planning gets you far.

12. You can't choose your relatives. If you're like me you're not the type to cut them off if they get a bit annoying either. And as we all know well, they can grate on your nerves. Oh you've grown so much fatter, are you losing your hair, when are you going to to have kids, are you having that acne problem again...these are usually the 'pleasant' greetings one can expect from relatives even if you hadn't seen them in ages. I believe this is not just a Maldivian thing. With me it's mostly my yo-yo weight...and now inquiries on having kids. You don't want to be rude...and that's precisely why they are as they are. Because they know can say any of it and get away with it, being relatives. So humor that nosey great aunt, compliment that ginormous brooch, and fool proof in any situation nod and smile.

13. I've left the two most important things to the last. Jobs, projects, hobbies, random things that catch your fancy, they come and go. People stay. At least the people who matter. Cherish them, and be there for them. You don't need to tell people you love them, or shower them with all kinds of extravagant generosity. They'll know by your presence, and that's usually what matters to them.

14. Please yourself. Shape up, dress up, put on that crazy neon eyeliner and scarlet highlights, for you not for anyone else. Pleasing people is an exercise in futility. You might as well please the one person you can please - yourself. You'll never worry about disappointing other people ever again. And people who really love you, will still love you even with that ridiculous make up job and the 80s hair. They'll even tell you how crazy you look but they'll stick around.

So there. That sums up the 14 things I wish to remember in 2014. Hopefully I shall also be making time to exercise with no excuses, reading good books and eating good food while listening to good music, and spreading a lil bit of luurv...

Until the next post,

Toodles!